Recently discovered transcripts of studio session tapes give an inside look at what went on during the writing and recording of the album that did The Beatles in.
I swear to God I'm not making any of this up.
Ok, yes I am.
Some of it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paul: [unintelligible] ... thinking about maybe trying to turn it into a live show, you know, it's just ... we've got to keep our heads ...
John: [snogging Yoko, noisily]
Paul: John? I'm trying to say something here. John?
John: [really going at it now]
Paul: John, for God's sake! Are we going to do an album or should we just sag off for the day?
John: Alright, alright, let's have a look at your songs.
Paul: Great, smashing, good, but first, could you please put your pants back on?
John: Hmph.
Paul: Ok, this first bit here is a real romp. It starts in D major, like this, and sort of goes ... [plays and sings a few verses of "Maxwell's Silver Hammer"]
John: [vigorously dry-humping Yoko]
George: Paul, can I clarify something?
Paul: Yeah, alright.
George: This song of yours, this "Maxwell" thing ...
Paul: Yeah, you like it?
George: It's about this bloke ...
Paul: Mm-hm.
George: And he goes about bashing people's skulls in a sadistic and brutal way with a hammer ...
Paul: Yeah, that's the basic idear.
George: And so he's basically a serial killer who gets away with offing an innocent girl, an unsuspecting teacher, and a civil magistrate ...
Paul: 's-great, innit?
George: Well ... the thing is, this music you've written to go with this rather macabre tale, you know, it seems a bit on the peppy side.
Paul: Well ... yeah. It's a kid's song.
George: Jesus, Paul.
Paul: Well, you know ... it's a bit of a farce ... meant to sort of ... y'know, commentary on social upheaval ... and ... quiet revolution ... in a ... look, I haven't been laid in weeks, and I had to vent it somehow.
John: [positioning studio microphones to live-capture his gone-completely-unhinged Yoko-grope]
Paul: F*CKIN' HELL, JOHN, GET A BLOODY ROOM, YOU'RE NOT HELPING!
Ringo: I just came to play me drums. But I'm not really playing them right now. This is a very un-sexy situation.
George: You lot can sort this out, I'm going to have the other half of me sandwich.
Ringo: Is that egg and cheese?
George: ... well, did you want to have a go at it, then?
Ringo: Oh, no, I couldn't, really, it wouldn't ... alright, sure, as long as you're offering.
George: Take it. I don't care, I can make another one later if I want.
John: [tangled up with Yoko, tripping about the studio, knocking over instruments and equipment]
Paul: I miss Hamburg.
Ringo: [quietly] Where have you been all my life?
Paul: Did you just whisper sweet nothings to your sandwich, Richie?
Ringo: Oh, bugger off, you morbid vaudevillian hack, I'm havin' a good time.
George: I miss India.
Paul: Well, I guess that's it, then. I think I'll knock off and go up on the roof for a while, maybe write something pretty.
Ringo: I'm going to the pub.
George: I'll come along, those two are giving me the crawlies.
Ringo: Gear, I'll tell you about this new tune I've been working on, about living under the water where everything's alright.
George: Umm ... I think we did that bit already, it was called "Yellow Submarine."
Ringo: Nah, this one's completely different.
George: How so?
Ringo: Mine's got an octopus.
Paul: [perking up] Bloody hell, that's brilliant!
George: Oh, Krishna, Ringo, he's got to you now, hasn't he? Filled your head with crazy notions, and all that. Oh well, anyway, let's go have a look at your song, lad, the lager's waiting ... [walking out] so how long have you been working on this number?
Ringo: [behind the closing door] About sixteen years.
Paul: [scribbling on paper, whistling, sing-songy] ... la la la ... doo de doo ... don't leave me waiting here ... I'll smash down your f*cking dooooor ... oh yeah, that's sexy ...
John: [panting in the corner, pounding his fist on the wall] Yeah, that's it you Frozen Jap, you love me hard, youWOOOOWWWWW OOOWWWWW FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU DREW BLOOD!!! Oh, that is so hot ...
Paul: I quit.
