Friday, May 7, 2010

Let it Be: Behind the Scenes

Recently discovered transcripts of studio session tapes give an inside look at what went on during the writing and recording of the album that did The Beatles in.

I swear to God I'm not making any of this up.

Ok, yes I am.

Some of it.


Paul: [unintelligible] ... thinking about maybe trying to turn it into a live show, you know, it's just ... we've got to keep our heads ...

John: [snogging Yoko, noisily]

Paul: John? I'm trying to say something here. John?

John: [really going at it now]

Paul: John, for God's sake! Are we going to do an album or should we just sag off for the day?

John: Alright, alright, let's have a look at your songs.

Paul: Great, smashing, good, but first, could you please put your pants back on?

John: Hmph.

Paul: Ok, this first bit here is a real romp. It starts in D major, like this, and sort of goes ... [plays and sings a few verses of "Maxwell's Silver Hammer"]

John: [vigorously dry-humping Yoko]

George: Paul, can I clarify something?

Paul: Yeah, alright.

George: This song of yours, this "Maxwell" thing ...

Paul: Yeah, you like it?

George: It's about this bloke ...

Paul: Mm-hm.

George: And he goes about bashing people's skulls in a sadistic and brutal way with a hammer ...

Paul: Yeah, that's the basic idear.

George: And so he's basically a serial killer who gets away with offing an innocent girl, an unsuspecting teacher, and a civil magistrate ...

Paul: 's-great, innit?

George: Well ... the thing is, this music you've written to go with this rather macabre tale, you know, it seems a bit on the peppy side.

Paul: Well ... yeah. It's a kid's song.

George: Jesus, Paul.

Paul: Well, you know ... it's a bit of a farce ... meant to sort of ... y'know, commentary on social upheaval ... and ... quiet revolution ... in a ... look, I haven't been laid in weeks, and I had to vent it somehow.

John: [positioning studio microphones to live-capture his gone-completely-unhinged Yoko-grope]


Ringo: I just came to play me drums. But I'm not really playing them right now. This is a very un-sexy situation.

George: You lot can sort this out, I'm going to have the other half of me sandwich.

Ringo: Is that egg and cheese?

George: ... well, did you want to have a go at it, then?

Ringo: Oh, no, I couldn't, really, it wouldn't ... alright, sure, as long as you're offering.

George: Take it. I don't care, I can make another one later if I want.

John: [tangled up with Yoko, tripping about the studio, knocking over instruments and equipment]

Paul: I miss Hamburg.

Ringo: [quietly] Where have you been all my life?

Paul: Did you just whisper sweet nothings to your sandwich, Richie?

Ringo: Oh, bugger off, you morbid vaudevillian hack, I'm havin' a good time.

George: I miss India.

Paul: Well, I guess that's it, then. I think I'll knock off and go up on the roof for a while, maybe write something pretty.

Ringo: I'm going to the pub.

George: I'll come along, those two are giving me the crawlies.

Ringo: Gear, I'll tell you about this new tune I've been working on, about living under the water where everything's alright.

George: Umm ... I think we did that bit already, it was called "Yellow Submarine."

Ringo: Nah, this one's completely different.

George: How so?

Ringo: Mine's got an octopus.

Paul: [perking up] Bloody hell, that's brilliant!

George: Oh, Krishna, Ringo, he's got to you now, hasn't he? Filled your head with crazy notions, and all that. Oh well, anyway, let's go have a look at your song, lad, the lager's waiting ... [walking out] so how long have you been working on this number?

Ringo: [behind the closing door] About sixteen years.

Paul: [scribbling on paper, whistling, sing-songy] ... la la la ... doo de doo ... don't leave me waiting here ... I'll smash down your f*cking dooooor ... oh yeah, that's sexy ...

John: [panting in the corner, pounding his fist on the wall] Yeah, that's it you Frozen Jap, you love me hard, youWOOOOWWWWW OOOWWWWW FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU DREW BLOOD!!! Oh, that is so hot ...

Paul: I quit.

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