A Day in the Life - is that John or Paul?

Just after Paul's "middle bit" contribution to "A Day in the Life," there are a few bars of ethereal (by which I mean "smothered in echo") vocal, singing "aaaahhhh."

Everyone knows that's John singing that bit, right? It's got his signature thin and nasally sound in the higher register.

Geoff Emerick, recording engineer on Sgt. Pepper, even confirms that John sang that part:

"Paul’s vocal, for example, was being dropped into the same track that contained John’s lead vocal, and there was a very tight drop-out point between the two—between Paul’s singing “…and I went into a dream” and John’s “ahhh” that starts the next section." (Geoff Emerick, Here, There, and Everywhere: My Life Recording the Music of the Beatles)

Of course, Emerick may be misremembering this particular detail. It was a long time ago, after all, and goodness knows that particular song had enough tinkering and tweaking to confuse anyone as to who did what, where, when, and on which track/take.

To the contrary, John C. Winn says it was Paul who did those vocals. In his entry for the studio session on February 3, 1967, he writes:

"During this session, Paul and Ringo erased their bass and drums on track 3 of “A Day in the Life” with a new performance, Ringo’s austere drumming being especially inventive. Paul then corrected his vocal blunder by taping a new vocal on track 2, also adding some soaring “aahs” over the circle-of-fifths segment that linked back to the final verse." (John C. Winn, That Magic Feeling: The Beatles' Recorded Legacy, Volume Two, 1966-1970)

Anyway, this is all just a set-up to get you to listen to some audio clips. Paul had (and probably still has, to some degree) an amazing chameleon voice. He could imitate Little Richard on songs like "Long Tall Sally," go for a more Elvis-like vibe on songs like "Lady Madonna," and it's hard to believe the same person is singing "Monkberry Moon Delight," "Nineteen Hundred and Eighty-Five," and "Getting Closer."

One of the things he could do with his voice is make it very thin, nasally, and almost raspy - just like John's voice. He does this several times during the song "One of These Days" on the album McCartney II, so just for the fun of it, I've excerpted a clip from that song and stuck it side-by-side with the vocal track from "A Day in the Life."

Just something fun to chew on ...

Click here to listen to the track.

Beatleology: The "Ringo" Profile

I am Ringo ...

• I think life is whatever you make of it
• I'm a jack of all trades, master of none
• I make a lot of friends, and I like to keep up those friendships - my social life can get crazy sometimes
• I prefer to just get along and avoid conflict if I can
• I love to party and have a good time
• People find me easy to be around
• I'm fairly practical and down-to-earth
• I have a hard time saying "no"
• I enjoy the simple things, because I make them fun
• I have a natural charisma, and people find me very approachable
• I'm very appreciative and grateful - I'm lucky just to be here
• I think I'm just a "regular" person, and that's ok with me
• I do a steady and consistent job - which means I often get overlooked and don't get the credit I should
• I don't get stressed out very easily, because I don't take things too seriously
• People sometimes see me as flippant, but I don't think I am
• I'm a funny person, but my "safe" sense of humor doesn't offend people
• I appreciate the stability of family life
• In my romantic life, I often tend to choose good looks over substance
• I'm an affectionate person
• I can sometimes be a pushover, but I do have my limits
• I might cheat on my partner for a one-night "fling" to have a little fun, but never at the risk of hurting someone
• I'm very consistent in who I am and what I do
• I don't always take the initiative or go above and beyond the call of duty - I like moderation
• I enjoy the good life, but I don't live beyond my means - money can't buy me fun
• I thrive on communication and camaraderie
• I can't change the world, so I'd prefer to work on myself
• I like to see the results of my actions and choices
• I'm highly tolerant of other people, and I'm content to let them live how they want
• I am content with what I have, as long as I have the three F's: friends, family, and fun
• You can search for cosmic meaning if you want - I'll be at the bar, having a drink
• I like bad movies and greasy food
• I think I'm cute - not necessarily "hot," but I'm ok with that
• I don't mind being trendy, if I can afford it
• I can enjoy just about anything - any book, any movie, any music, I see the value in all of it
• I really do get by with a little help from my friends
• I can get into an expensive wine if that's what you're offering, but cheap beer is fine, too - let's go shoot some pool
• I might have a bit of an inferiority complex - I hope you won't stand up and walk out on me if I sing out of tune
• Sometimes the choices that we make will break our hearts, but there are no mistakes
• My philosophy of life is simple: get along with people, keep the peace, show lots of love
• You ask "why?", but I ask "why not?"

Which Beatle are you? Take the quiz and find out!

Beatleology: The "George" Profile

I am George ...

• I like to think before I speak
• I show different sides of my personality, depending on who I'm with
• I like having deep, intimate conversations
• I'd rather read a book than go to a movie
• I like to have a lot of control over my life
• You can do what you want, I don't mind - as long as it doesn't impact me negatively
• I am a hard worker, but I do have my limits
• I'm pretty easy-going, but I can assert myself if I need to (which isn't often)
• I'm very perceptive, and I can quickly see people for who they are at their core, underneath the masks they wear
• I like to have a plan and I like stay on schedule
• I need order and predictability in my life - spontaneity is fun once in a while, but shouldn't be the norm
• I don't like to take risks, I prefer a safe and sure thing
• I'm not always self-confident or secure - it takes time to get to know me
• People see me as the voice of reason and a good listener
• I am very analytical, and can easily break down complex things into their smaller, component parts
• I have a cynical and sarcastic sense of humor, but I keep a lot of it to myself (unless you know me well)
• I prefer to have things done my way, but I won't usually insist on it
• I am highly creative, but I might not show you my work if I'm not sure you'll like it
• I'm very insightful, but I'll probably keep my opinion quiet until I'm asked
• It's important to be diplomatic and not rock the boat
• The world is a strange place, and I see a lot of absurdity and irony in it
• I prefer good wine or "classy" liquor over cheap beer
• I would like to be recognized for my work, but I'd rather you point it out than draw attention to it myself
• I prefer to be indirect and passive-aggressive
• I like to project an image of independence and having things under control, and it's hard for me to ask for help or admit that I'm struggling
• I can easily step back from a situation and view it objectively
• I hate trends and the unoriginality of the "mainstream"
• I'm very dependable and stable in a romantic relationship
• I like to express my love in romantic ways (I said "romantic," not "over the top")
• I need stability in life, and I find that stability in my love life and my family life
• I often need a few moments alone to recollect and re-charge
• I like to work ahead of schedule if I can, so I don't have to worry and can just relax
• I can get dark and moody sometimes, and when I do, "leave me alone, don't bother me"
• I like to be efficient, but for some reason, I sometimes over-complicate things
• I like intelligent humor, especially if it gets a bit abstract and surreal
• I'm introspective and always on a self-improvement journey - it's all within yourself, no one else can make you change
• There are some people standing around who'll screw you in the ground
• Sometimes I feel hung up, and I don't know why - but I don't mind too much, because all things must pass
• With every mistake, we must surely be learning
• All the world is birthday cake, so take a piece - but not too much

Which Beatle are you? Take the quiz and find out!

Beatleology: The "Paul" Profile

I am Paul ...

• I am generally very optimistic about everything
• I enjoy being part of the next trend and fad
• I like to be fashionable
• I love being the center of attention
• It is important to me that I express myself
• I am aggressive, and I know how to assert myself
• I can sometimes be too critical of other people
• My professional/public image is not necessarily who I really am in private
• I am very vocal about things
• I have a lot of energy
• It really want to be successful and reach the top
• I am fairly competitive
• In general, I'm quite confident in myself
• How does it feel to be one of the beautiful people? It feels great!
• I have a highly developed sense of intuition
• I have perfectionist tendencies - I don't mind re-doing something over and over until it's right
• I'm sentimental
• What you think is "corny," I think is "cute"
• I know I'm looking good, and I don't mind using that to my advantage when I need to
• I like to repeat funny jokes I've heard
• I prefer to keep things light
• To lead a better life, I need my love to be here
• I feel incomplete in some ways if I'm not romantically involved with someone
• Believe in love at first sight? I'm certain that it happens all the time!
• "Happy ever after" is not only the ideal, it's entirely possible
• I believe in the traditional family and traditional roles
• I love consistency
• I need love and affirmation on a regular basis
• I need to show my partner love and sentimental feelings on a regular basis
• I might be a bit domineering once in a while, but I only have the best of intentions
• My work is important work, and I work hard at it - and I will remind you of that repeatedly
• I am enthusiastic about my job
• I have an opinion on just about everything, and I don't mind telling you what it is
• I feel best about myself when I'm accomplishing something
• Everything is going to be alright - it will all work out in the end
• There is such a thing as right and wrong, and right will win out eventually
• I've got to admit, it's getting better all the time
• I'm in love, and it's a sunny day!
• If you try to see it my way, I'm sure we can work it out

Which Beatle are you? Take the quiz and find out!

Beatleology: The "John" Profile

I am John ...

• I'm very creative
• I'm a deep thinker
• I like to push the boundaries
• I have a hard time being criticized
• I think the world is unfair and full of hypocrisy
• I think the world is going to hell in a handbasket, but I think (I hope) I can change that
• I like to be the center of attention
• I sometimes hide behind humor
• People find me very engaging
• I hate trends and fads
• I have a great capacity for empathy
• I feel misunderstood a lot
• I can be very tender and sensitive
• I can get angry quite easily
• I sometimes feel restless and have a hard time sleeping
• The very existence of stupid people offends me
• I love dark and cynical humor, but sometimes people find my humor is too biting
• I like to challenge people
• I love making people laugh
• I feel a bit insecure
• I like to be noticed
• I can sometimes be co-dependent
• When I fall in love, that relationship dominates my attention and nothing else matters
• If I don't care about something, I don't hesitate to show my apathy
• I am highly affectionate and I like physical contact
• I don't confide in my friends, I confide in my family
• I use my home as a sanctuary from the world, but sometimes my home and family can be too suffocating for me
• I hate feeling tied down
• I can sometimes be very inflexible
• I take my work very seriously and I work hard
• I can tend to be moody
• People think I have a superiority or Messiah complex
• I'm very intelligent (maybe even a genius)
• I want a romantic partner who will challenge me
• I don't like "traditional" roles in a relationship
• Love really is all you need
• Nothing is real, and certainly nothing to hung about
• Life was so much easier when I was young
• You might say I'm a pessimist - I say I'm just being realistic

Which Beatle are you? Take the quiz and find out!

Beatleology in Love

Based on the "I Am the Walrus" personality quiz found in Adam and Roger Jaquette's book, Beatleology, I wrote the following imaginary interview with the Fab Four. The questions all revolve around love and relationships - which of the lads do you find yourself most frequently in agreement with? This may give you a clue as to who your Inner Beatle is.

What are you looking for in a lover?

Paul: "Well, I think I'm always wanting to find that special girl who supports me, you know? You sort of want to have that in a mate, I think, someone who's going to think you're just great."

John: "Seems like that would get a boring, wouldn't it, Paul? I don't want a lover who's going to just be a f*cking 'yes'-person, I want to be challenged. I want to be stretched and made to think outside the box, you know, and if I'm full of sh*t about something, I want to be told that."

George: "Well, I don't know, I just want to keep things easy and calm. I want to have love, sure, but I don't want a lot of drama, and such. There's no sense rocking the boat."

Ringo: "I suppose I just want to have some fun being in love. Love is fun. Sex is fun. That's what I'm looking for."

How do you feel about dating?

Ringo: "Like I said, it's fun. Going out is fun, meeting people is fun, and you never know ... you might get laid."

George: "No, sod that, it's a pain. All that trouble, having to meet someone new. It can be nerve-wracking sometimes. I like familiarity, you know, it'd be nice if we could just skip right to the fifth date or something."

Paul: "It's alright, you know, dating is a good chance to throw on the charm, sort of 'full-throttle'. When she looks at you in that special way, and you can tell she adores you, that's a nice feeling."

John: "I'm with George - it's a waste of time. I just want to know if this girl is my soul-mate, the one I've been looking for all my life, and then I want to spend all of my time with her and her alone. You don't need dating for that."

What does a long-term relationship look like for you?

John: "Well, we need each other very much, and it can be somewhat co-dependent - and that's not always bad. My friends will probably stop hearing from me for a while, because I just want to be with her all the time."

George: "It looks very predictable and routine, which is good, that's stability. I really don't like drama."

Ringo: "I'll commit to the relationship, sure, no problem. I don't want to spend too much time over-thinking it, though."

Paul: "I tend to be the leader, I suppose, certainly the 'driving force.' I always have a lot of ideas about places we should be going, and things we should be doing, and she goes along with my ideas. So that's great."

Alright. You've just gone through a breakup after a long-term relationship. How do you react?

George: "That hurts, there's no question. I need some time alone to think things over and reflect on what happened, maybe try to learn a few things for next time. I definitely would make a clean break, though - get rid of the letters and pictures and all that."

Paul: "Yeah, it definitely hurts, it's a real blow to the self-esteem, y'know, and it doesn't make sense - I mean, who wouldn't want to be around me? Why would you want to leave this? I'm with George, though, I'd have to make a pretty clean break eventually, after I'd gotten the bad feelings out of my system, probably with a song or something."

John: "Oh, it's a crushing blow, Paul's right. It just destroys you inside, you know? I would be out drinking or doing drugs to forget the pain, and probably I'd end up on her front doorstep after midnight, begging to be let back in. I would obsess about it a bit, probably, and have a hard time letting go."

Ringo: "If it's over, it's over, you know? It probably wasn't meant to be. It might take a bit to feel better about it, but there's no sense in throwing a pity party. I'd still keep the mementos, though, because those are still a good time - old pictures or knick-knacks or whatever. I'd want to remember the good times."

What is your favorite sexual position?

Paul: "On top, in control, of course."

John: "On the bottom - I'm a big advocate of equality, and I like her to have a bit of control there."

George: "Well, you two can have that, I'm not going to limit myself at all. I'll be on top, on bottom, on the side, whatever."

Ringo: "I'm probably handcuffed."

What's your idea of a good first date?

John: "Short and to the point. If she's the one I've been looking for, I'll know right away, and I wouldn't mind catching the midnight plane to Holland or France so we can get married right then and there."

Paul: "Oh, I think it should be very romantic. You know, I might sing her a song I've been working on, or read her some poetry I've written, and just be very open about how I feel. I think, if she's the one, it'll be pretty obvious in short order."

Ringo: "I think I'd like to go to the pub and just have a good time, have some laughs."

George: "I don't like dating, it can get uncomfortable. I mean, I'll try to genuine with her and be myself, but I'm not going to show her all the dimensions of my personality until I'm a little more comfortable with her."

What's your idea of a good marriage proposal?

Ringo: "It'll be a public thing, very social, you know. In the middle of a restaurant, or at a big party with all of our friends. Something big like that."

Paul: "I'll propose because I just can't stand being away from her any more, and ... I don't know, I'd have to think about it, really. I'd want it to be really romantic, probably after a moonlit stroll and a dozen roses or something."

John: "It's a big deal. I'd probably have to be drunk to get enough nerve up."

George: "I'm only going to propose after I've really thought about all aspects of the thing and how life will change. I have to be sure I really want this before I say it."

What is sex to you?

George: "It's a very spiritual thing, I think, very intense, the kind of soul-union it gives me with my partner. It's another way for me to express myself and my love for her."

John: "Oh yeah, it's very intimate, and it's an expression of love - but it's also crass, you know, it's a way to get physical release. Even the animals do it, you know."

Paul: "It's a way to strengthen our love, I think, and it's also very affirming for me, too. It's good for the ego, I think."

Ringo: "It's a fun activity, it feels good, it's nice to add that in with other things like having a few drinks or going out to the movies."

Would you ever cheat on your lover?

Paul: "Absolutely not. I don't want anyone to think of me as being that kind of person, you know."

George: "You know, I keep saying, I don't like a lot of drama, really. So, no, cheating is complicated and messy and not really worth the trouble. Keep it simple, be faithful."

John: "Well, that depends, really, doesn't it? I mean, if it's a good relationship I'm in, I believe in it, I'll be true, but if things are falling apart, then ... you know, anything goes."

Ringo: "I wouldn't want to get caught or hurt anybody, but it's also important to be happy, so I think if the opportunity presented itself and it seemed like a good time - and nobody would get hurt - then, yeah."

We Can't Work it Out: 10 Keys to a Non-Productive Argument

Conflicts in relationships (romantic, familial, professional, etc.) are a fact of life. Hopefully they are infrequent, rather than characteristic, but they do seem to be unavoidable at times. A conflict or an argument can be a double-edged sword, however; an argument can either be a chance to get to know your partner better (and thus create deeper intimacy), or it can be destructive to the relationship.

If your goal is to destroy the relationship and create heartache (not to mention heart-burn) down the road, these ten key principles will help you reach your goal as quickly as possible.

(Of course, if you'd prefer to practice good communication skills with your partner and build the relationship, even in the midst of an argument, I recommend practicing the exact opposite of these ten principles.)

1) Use "you" statements - In order to sabotage an argument right from the start, it is important to make a lot of statements to your partner that begin with the word "you." For example: "You don't care about me," "You are so insensitive," "You are so blind," etc. For maximum effect, pepper these statements with passive-aggressive qualifiers that lessen your responsibility for having made the statement. For example, "You apparently don't think I'm important," "I guess you don't care what I think," and "Obviously, you aren't listening." These are value-loaded statements that cast your partner in a morally deficient light, and are guaranteed to invite hostile, defensive come-backs. Avoid statements that require you to take ownership for your feelings; owning the responsibility for the way you feel leaves the possibility open that you might have misinterpreted something. Never say, for example, "I feel neglected," "I feel misunderstood," "I feel like I'm not being heard," "I feel hurt," and so on. This might leave the door open for your partner to say, "I'm sorry you feel this way, how can I help you feel better?", and that might lead to conflict resolution.

2) Assume the worst - Ringo is the model to mimic here. When he sang, "I'm sorry that I doubted you, I was so unfair," he was giving an example of how to assume the worst about your partner. Your partner doesn't show up on time? Assume it's a personal assault on your feelings, and not that there may have been a hair-losing car crash. Giving someone the benefit of the doubt is a good way to avoid further angry arguments. If your partner leaves his dirty underwear on the floor for the 19th time in two weeks, assume it's because he just knows this will drive you crazy, and he's doing it on purpose just to be insensitive (this is a great opportunity to make another generalized "you" statement, such as, "You always do this, just to annoy me!"). If your partner decides to go out to the movies with her girlfriends and doesn't invite you along, assume it's because she doesn't want to be with you (capitalize on this with another value-loaded "you" statement, such as, "You clearly don't enjoy my company!"). If you assume your partner is someone with good-will, you run the risk of not even being able to start a relationship-destroying argument.

3) Invalidate your partner's feelings - It is very difficult to continue an argument if your partner refuses to follow principle #1 above, and insists on making statements like, "I felt disrespected when you were flirting with that girl at the checkout." However, all is not lost. You can continue to add fuel to the argument simply by invalidating or minimizing your partner's feelings with more "you" statements such as, "You're being too sensitive," "You have no reason for feeling that way," "You're being ridiculous," or (one of my favorites), "You shouldn't feel like that." This is especially easy to do if your partner has misunderstood you or misinterpreted your actions. If he says, "I felt ignored by you today," simply come back with, "I wasn't ignoring you." This effectively removes your partner's basis for even feeling the way they do, and invites further defensiveness: "You were too ignoring me!", to which you can retort, "I was not!", and on it goes. Never surrender any ground by acknowledging the validity of your partner's experience by saying something stupid like, "I'm sorry you felt disrespected, that must have made you feel insignificant," or, "I'm sorry you felt ignored today, you must have felt very alone inside." Just remember, "nothing is real," not even your partner's feelings and experiences.

4) Hide your true feelings - If your partner attempts to validate your feelings and thus bring resolution to a conflict, you must bury your feelings and show no vulnerability. If your partner has done something to make you upset, and he says something sensitive, such as, "You seem irritated right now, is there anything I can do to make you feel better?", deny that he has accurately read your feelings. Say something like, "No, I'm fine," and then walk away, or say, "No, it's nothing, it's just something stupid, don't worry about it," and refuse to go any further into detail. This will allow you to nurture the bad feelings towards your partner, which will help you build a reservoir of hostility over the next few days, weeks, or even months. Only when the negative feelings have fully ripened should you execute the surprise "reveal," preferably in the context of a future argument, thus blind-siding your partner (if he says something like, "I had no idea - when I asked you about this earlier, you said everything was fine," then you know you have succeeded). Emotional vulnerability paves the path to intimacy and conflict resolution. Always, always, always hide your feelings away.

5) Manipulate - Manipulation is a great way to prematurely end an argument, get your own way, and leave issues unresolved so that they can ferment, grow rotten, and be brought up again in future arguments. Be subtle about it, though. If you and your partner are arguing, for example, about how to spend your tax refund, you can manipulate the situation by resorting to a blend of steps 1, 2, and 4. Try a statement like, "Well, I can see why you wouldn't want to spend that money on a new couch, because you know how much I wanted a new couch [assuming the worst], and you apparently don't care about what I want [passive-aggressive "you" statement and assuming the worst], so just forget it about it, I don't care anymore [hiding your feelings]." If all goes well, your partner will key in on the "you don't care about what I want" statement, and, in an attempt to go above-and-beyond to prove the opposite, will surrender to your wishes. Even if this does not work, and your partner takes at face-value your statement, "I don't care anymore," this gives you the chance to nurse the grudge and bring up the incident at a later date. Macca succinctly communicates this principle with the lyric, "While you see it your way, run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone."

6) Get your point across - Some people think that the goal of communication is to get to know your partner by seeking to understand them, thus building intimacy. This is decidedly not conducive to destructive arguments, so instead, follow the principle that communication is about stating your point of view, no matter what. Talk longer, talk louder, repeat yourself, and generally do whatever it takes to keep your opinion in the forefront. Once your partner has heard your point of view, disconnect from the conversation. You have been heard, mission accomplished, no further need to listen to your partner or make sure you have reached an agreement. Dialogue is not nearly as important as monologue. Bombard your partner with words and don't give him or her a chance to reflect those words back to you in order to guarantee mutual understanding. If you do it right, your partner will surrender out of sheer exhaustion and just to get you to shut up.

7) Make demands - This is a variation on key principle #1 above, because it relies on "you" statements. The subtle twist here is that these statements will begin with "demand" words, such as, "You need to," "You should", "You can't", and so forth. These are value-loaded statements as well, implying that if your partner doesn't act on what you say, or disagrees with you, he or she is clearly in the wrong. For example, "You should spend less time watching movies" implies that your partner is doing something morally deficient, and is far more punchy a statement than saying, "I would like it if you spent less time watching movies." Or again, saying "You need to quit working so much overtime" is much more conducive to an argument than saying, "I'm worried about how much overtime you're working, I would feel so much better if you were able to cut back." Those kinds of statements imply that your partner has the freedom of choice, which rarely leads to a good, old-fashioned verbal barney.

8) Qualify your apologies - Saying the words "I'm sorry" can diffuse an argument faster than you can wink. However, you can still say the words, which puts you in the superior moral position, while simultaneously qualifying the apology in such a way as to undercut its sincerity. Simply add the words "if" or "but" to the apology. For example, "I'm sorry I offended you, but you shouldn't have gotten so upset." Or again, "I'm sorry if I said something to hurt you, I didn't know you'd take it that way." The "but" quickly shifts the focus away from your partner's feelings and sets the stage for the next point of argumentation; the "if" implies that you really don't empathize or even agree with your partner's feelings (see #3 above, on invalidating your partner's feelings and experience). It would be too easy to simply say, "I'm sorry you felt offended by what I did," or "I'm sorry that you felt hurt by what I said." Always qualify the apology; not only does this leave the door open to continue the argument, but now you can always go back to the statement, "I already apologized for that!" This will leave your partner feeling unsatisfied with the apology (because there was no empathy or validation of feelings), and it gets you off the hook for the perceived offense.

9) Surrender your position - This goes hand-in-hand #4 above, hiding your true feelings. Some people believe that an argument can be resolved in such a way that both parties are allowed to retain their point of view. It's called "agreeing to disagree" or "reaching a compromise." Of course, everyone knows that an argument can only end when one of the parties bends to the other person's will and gives something up. If you cannot manipulate your partner into surrendering to your wishes, you can take the path of conflict avoidance by simply surrendering yourself. Statements such as, "Fine, we'll do it your way", or "You know, it doesn't matter to me anymore" allow you to end the argument without any lasting resolution. It also allows you to play the victim and wallow in martyrdom, while simultaneously giving you a trump card to play in a future argument. If you surrender your position without reaching real resolution, you can effectively put your partner in a position of future obligation ("you owe me one"), or ongoing guilt.

10) Bail out early - Emotional detachment is a relatively quick way to end an argument without reaching resolution or building intimacy. You can disconnect from an argument very early by simply walking away and ignoring the problem, hiding your true feelings (see #4), surrendering your position (see #9), throwing in a terse "I don't want to talk about it," or promising "we'll talk about this later" without ever following through on that promise. Bailing out of an argument sends the message, "I'm not really invested in this relationship, or in you," and reduces the risk of emotional vulnerability; it prevents further honing of communication skills, and creates obstacles to intimacy. This is a sure-fire way to create an environment for future no-holds-barred arguments, in which any one or more of these ten key principles can be put to use again. With any luck, you can destroy a perfectly good relationship within a few short months.

Yeah, I Need Love

"Simply put, Pauls are lovers. They cannot function without love. Pauls are hopeless romantics - and they are annoyingly codependent girlfriends, boyfriends, and spouses." (Jaquette, Beatleology, p. 62)

Ah, the hopeless romantics. Where would the world be without them and their constant output of silly love songs, poetry, and sentimentalism? But the Inner Paul sign can truly be a double-edged sword, because romanticism itself can be a double-edged sword. There's nothing wrong with a good dose of sentimentalism, but when it begins to manifest itself in the form of codependency, it's time to step back and consider a few things.

There is a somewhat common theme in love songs, and it's a theme that presents an interesting paradox: the notion of possession. It's a recurring refrain in many Beatles lyrics: "I'm so proud to know that she is mine" (Good Day Sunshine), "Now you're mine" (Ask Me Why), "You'll be mine, girl" (Things We Said Today), "We'll have some fun when you're mine, oh, mine" (Little Child), "Let me know that you're mine" (Twist and Shout), "It's getting better since you've been mine" (Getting Better). I suppose, as a wind-swept romantic notion, it's alright - perhaps even expected. There is some element of exclusivity in the arena of real love: I'll be yours and yours alone, if you'll be mine and mine alone.

The potential difficulty here, however, is that possession doesn't work out very well in the real world of actual relationships. If I am in a relationship, the first and foundational truth is that I am in that relationship with another person, and the concept of possession does not apply. I can possess an object, but not a person. What becomes of the idea of exclusivity, then? This is the constant tension in any healthy relationship: if he belongs to her, and she belongs to him, it is only because both of them, as autonomous individuals, have voluntarily chosen to stay with the other person. The flip side is that either person can voluntarily choose to leave at any time, because neither person truly surrenders their autonomy. This on-going tension is precisely what highlights the truth of real love: it must be rooted in trust. He cannot truly possess her, even though in some ways that might put him more at ease. He can only trust that she will stay. As long as both of them remain where they are, they will always be together, but it will not be because one of them has claimed ownership of the other.

The manifestation of codependency in a relationship, which is rooted in an attempt to possess the other person, is really a revelation of insecurity at best, or outright distrust at worst. She does not fully trust that he will stay, and so she attempts to possess him more firmly, as a way to make up for the deficiency of trust. He lacks self-security, and worries that her interests in other things outside of their relationship indicate a lack of interest in him, and so he tries to cling harder to her in order to fill the internal void.

This is the gist of the Inner Paul's paradox. His frequent expressions of love and sentimentality are not bad things, in themselves, but he must make an effort to be aware of his motives. She may call him five times a day, but why is she doing it? Is it because she was thinking about him, and just wanted to tell him "I love you"? Or is it because she's nervous that they haven't talked in a few hours, and she needs to know where he is and what he's doing (which is a way of retaining control)?

There's a fine line between the chaos of possession and the creation of sentimentality. The Inner Pauls of the world are full-to-overflowing with love, which means that "they need to not only feel love but give love constantly." (Jaquette, Beatleology, p. 63) This can be a great strength in a relationship, because the relationship will never be lacking the spark of those first, heady days when love was new. But if this personality trait is not tempered and kept in check, it can smother and ultimately destroy the relationship.

If you are in a relationship with an Inner Paul, you should be aware of his or her need for frequent reassurance and gestures of love, and celebrate your partner's sentimental and romantic streak. If you are an Inner Paul, you need to be aware of your "smothering potential", and check your motives once in a while: are you sending him flowers because you love him and just wanted him to know that, or is it because you're afraid of losing him and you're trying to keep him tethered to you? Try to take a step back and remind yourself that your partner is a person and not an object to be possessed, knowing that if you treat her and honor her as a person, she will never have a reason to look elsewhere for the love that you so naturally are able to express.

A Message from the Master and Commander

McBoaty wanted me to tell you "good morning," and to remind you that it's usually best if you just keep to the lake. As a follow-up word of wisdom, McBoaty would like to add that you will need to have a berth if you want to get to sea. Oh, and Uncle Albert, if you're out there reading this, McBoaty wanted you to know that we are still sorry, especially about that nasty incident with the kettle.

Come Together

The question came up again recently: who is your favorite Beatle?

I don't think I've ever liked that question, really, because it tends to inspire a blank stare in response, and then I just look foolish (or stoned, but, I repeat myself).

The short answer to the question is this: I can't decide who my favorite Beatle is, any more than I can decide which of my vital organs is my favorite. I need them all, and I need them to be together (my vital organs and Beatles).

The longer answer, I suppose, is something like this ...

Aristotle said it best (and although I cannot prove it yet, I'm sure he was referring to The Beatles when he said it): "In the case of all things which have several parts and in which the totality is not, as it were, a mere heap, but the whole is something beside the parts, there is a cause." (Metaphysics, Book VIII, part 6) Or, as the more popular re-wording goes, "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts."

Each individual Beatle brought something unique to the table, a particular "part" that formed the "whole." And those individual "parts" formed something entirely unrepeatable in the context of the other three Beatles; Paul McCartney's knack for melody, for example, took concrete shape within the framework of The Beatles in a way that was different from how it took shape within the framework of Wings.

In other words, I can't say, "Paul was my favorite, because he wrote the prettiest melodies." Paul wrote great songs, but his ability to write was not a static talent; it took on a very different dynamic when it was assimilated into the larger world of Beatledom.

And this is why I love The Beatles more than any other band; this is why my appreciation for The Beatles goes far, far beyond merely liking their melodies or their lyrics. In a time when the rock-band formula was to emphasize a leader and lump his "backup band" together, The Beatles remained a collective unity. Bill Haley and the Comets; Buddy Holly and the Crickets; Gerry and the Pacemakers; Paul Revere and the Raiders; Tommy James and the Shondells; Rory Storm and the Hurricanes; John Lennon and the Beatles?

It doesn't work, because that's not who The Beatles were. George Martin recognized this almost immediately; he writes in his memoir, All You Need is Ears, "When I first met them, there was no obvious leader ... I put them to the test individually ... I was thinking, on balance, that I should make Paul the leader. Then, after some thought, I realised that if I did so I would be changing the nature of the group. Why do that? Why not keep them as they were?" (All You Need is Ears, p. 124)

After going to see The Beatles play at The Cavern Club, and seeing the marked difference between their group-based performance and the performance of the other leader-plus-backup-group bands that night, George Martin concluded, "A group they were, and a group they had to stay." (All You Need is Ears, p. 125)

The Beatles, as a unified group, represent a life philosophy that I believe in, and something I try to put into practice: we human beings were intended for community, not for isolation. Life is meant to be shared with others. Look outward, not inward. Diversity within a community can be the catalyst for attaining what could not otherwise be imagined by acting as a "Lone Ranger." As Tim Riley so nicely summed it up, "[The Beatles] embodied the notion that an individual can realize his own identity in a community, even when it consists of four utterly different - even contradictory - parts." (Tell Me Why, pp. 18-19)

So who is my favorite Beatle? This one:

The Beatle Within You (and Without You)

Over the years, my continued interest in psychology, temperaments, personality types, and generally whatever makes people "tick" has brought me into contact with the standard tests and quizzes: The Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator, the DISC profile assessment, the Keirsey Temperament Sorter, the Four Temperament theory, etc.

All of these paradigms operate more-or-less with a "quadrant" model; four temperaments, four profiles, four pairs of dichotomies.

I suppose it was only a matter of time, then, before someone hit upon the brilliant idea of sorting the personality types and temperaments, not merely into four categories, but into Fab Four categories. In their book Beatleology, the Jaquette brothers mix psychology and astrology to present a rather interesting theory: we all have a Beatle within us. We all have an Inner John, an Inner Paul, an Inner George, or an Inner Ringo at work in our personalities, dictating (or at least influencing) how we view the world, how we interact with people, how we experience love, how we work, how we play.

Because we human beings are not one-dimensional, Beatleology proposes further that, in addition to having a primary Inner Beatle Sign, most of us also have a Minor Beatle - a Beatle "Rising" - that further shapes and sharpens the way our primary Inner Beatle manifests itself.

Reading this book was great fun for me, and it was surprisingly accurate in pin-pointing both my Inner Beatle (George) and my Beatle Rising (Paul). Even more fun, I think, is how this material has further defined how I view and interact with others: friends, family, co-workers, etc. It really has helped me, in more than one situation, to know that I'm a George interacting with a Paul in this certain scenario, or interacting with a Ringo in this specific conversation. But it has also helped me keep a realistic perspective of myself, and become more fully who I am and who I was meant to be. Knowing that I have a George-like tendency to over-think and over-reflect keeps me from lapsing into long periods of dark brooding; knowing that I have a strong Paul Rising helps me tap into and access the optimism and positive energy that comes with that Minor Sign.

Absorbing the material in the book has also increased my enjoyment of The Beatles themselves. As I watch clips of interviews, or scenes from their movies, or read their biographies, I find myself repeatedly thinking, "That's very typical Inner John behavior," or, "Of course Paul would say something like that, he's the original Paul Sign!"

John, the introspective, highly creative, slightly impulsive, intelligent, productive, troubled one; Paul, the optimistic, practical, domineering, energetic, overbearing, romantic one; George, the brooding, reserved, pensive, creative, dependable one; and Ringo, the down-to-earth, get-along-with-everybody, unassuming, loyal, peacemaking, what's-for-lunch, fun-loving one.

I recently read an account of the lads' trip to India, and I had to laugh at how accurately their individual reactions to the spiritual quest reflected their Beatle Signs. John looked within himself, and had to wrestle with the inner demons surrounding his crumbling marriage and newly blossoming relationship with Yoko - he left India somewhat disillusioned; Paul used the time in a very practical way, comfortably marrying measured meditation with his creativity, writing lots of new songs, planning the next album; George, like John, became introspective, and quickly attached himself to the spirituality and search for inner meaning - unlike John, he processed things in a more optimistic way (and was furious at Paul for tainting spiritual reflection with commercial planning); and Ringo? Ringo left after two weeks because the food was bad and the weather was unbearable, and frankly, he was hoping India would have made a better "holiday" than it did. Ever the peacemaker, he left without making a splash, unlike John and George later did.

The authors of Beatleology have a web site here, which contains a shortened form of the I Am the Walrus Quiz. This shortened version of the personality test is probably enough to pin-point your primary Beatle Sign, but I would recommend buying the book and taking the full-blown exam (approx. 50 questions) to discover both your primary Beatle Sign and your Minor Beatle Sign.

Much more on the subject to come, eventually. Stay tuned.

Under the Hood of "Drive my Car"

I recently got the opportunity to explain to my seven-year-old daughter the meaning of the lyrics to "Drive My Car".  She's a naturally curious and pensive child (she once announced to me, out of the blue, "The Beatles say 'she could steal, but she could not rob,' but that doesn't make any sense, because those words mean the same thing"), and she wanted to understand what was really going in this catchy little beep-beep, mmm, beep-beep, yeah tune.

In the process of breaking down the lyrics for her step-by-step, I found myself really getting a fuller appreciation of the biting "bitchiness" of the song's antagonist.  I found myself laughing even as I was explaining the words to my daughter, and thinking, "Wow, this is actually quite a brilliant set of lyrics."

Care to take another look at them with me?

I asked a girl what she wanted to be

And she said, "Baby, can't you see?

"I wanna be famous, a star on the screen,

"But you can do something in between."

"Baby, you can drive my car

"Yes, I'm gonna be a star

"Baby, you can drive my car

"And maybe I'll love you."

Mars obviously has some level of interest in Venus, and is trying to strike up a conversation.  But before he gets a chance to move beyond a few words of inquiry, she steps in and dominates the conversation with an obnoxious amount of prattle.

She's got some serious chutzpah, too.  He hasn't yet indicated a desire to win her heart, much less serve as one of her employees, but that's exactly where she's "driving" this conversation.  

It's this sort of condescending stance, a bit of patronization: "I'll allow you to do my bidding, you lucky thing."  But her bow-down-and-worship-me attitude has nothing to back it up, at least not yet; she only wants to be famous, which means she isn't famous yet, and so has not earned the right to be an overbearing snob.

The final line of the chorus has the most bite, I think: "You can work for me, you can taxi me around town whenever I feel like it, and maybe you'll be fortunate enough to get some love from me.  I might stoop that low, my little servant-boy."

I told that girl that my prospects were good

And she said, "Baby, it's understood

"Working for peanuts is all very fine

"But I can show you a better time."

As we round the corner into the second verse, it seems like Mars might be backing off just a bit: "Thanks, luv, but if I need a job, I know where to find one, I'm not that hard-up."  Her response maintains a high level of passive-aggressive snobbery: "Sure, sure, honey, you go ahead and find a minimum wage job, if that's your thing."  Implied here is the assumption that he couldn't possibly find a career more rewarding than the one she is offering him, that his only other option would be "working for peanuts."

But she realizes she might be losing his interest, I think, and so she sweetens the offer with a teasing little innuendo, a thinly-veiled allusion to the possibility of sexual pleasure: "I can show you a better time."

I told that girl I could start right away

And she said, "Listen, babe, I got something to say

"I got no car, and it's breakin' my heart

"But I found a driver, and that's a start."

Apparently Mars found the sexual tease too hard to resist; he's ready to go, and in fact, he can start "right away!"  And this is where he gets the rug yanked out from under him: Venus began her twisted little seduction based on something she hadn't even achieved yet, namely, the power of stardom.  And now that she's finally gotten him to agree to drive her car - to be her slave-boy and part-time boy-toy - she reveals that she doesn't even have a car!  But that's not even the best part.  The best part is that, even with her charade fully exposed, she still refuses to drop the stance of superiority.  The whole facade has collapsed in on itself, and she doesn't realize it!

The punch-line all comes down to this: You should be my driver because I'm going to be a star someday.  Ok, I'll be your driver.  Actually, I don't have a car, but you should still be impressed by me - I'm a pretty big deal, after all, I have a full-time chauffeur.  Uh, yeah, I know, I'm your chauffeur, remember?  You know you adore me, just admit it.

Clever, clever writing, and so succinct!  Three short verses and a chorus, disappearing into the horizon with a sassy little series of beep-beeps.  

And to think Len-Mac almost threw this one away ...

Through the Revolving Door

I don't subscribe to everything that Tim Riley says in his book, Tell Me Why.  But when he came right out and took the firm stance that the best album in The Beatles' catalog is Revolver, and not, contrary to popular opinion, Sgt. Pepper, I mentally saluted the man for having the courage to say it.

He got me thinking.  What makes Revolver such a great album goes beyond, I think, the mere meat and bones of each individual song.  They are great songs, individually, no question about it.  And there is a substantial amount of "maturity" that shows on these songs: the guitar solo in "Taxman" breaks free of typical blues-based scales and heads East for a more Indian sound; "I'm Only Sleeping" features a backwards guitar solo; both "She Said She Said" and "And Your Bird Can Sing" showcase some gritty guitar tones that foreshadow the classic rock sound of the 70s, and move further away from the clean "twang" of the early 60s sound; "Love You To" introduces a full range of Indian instrumentation, and takes a daring risk by sticking with a title that makes no grammatical sense.

Those are the songs, individually.  Taken as a whole, however, they come together (right now) to tell a more complicated story that holds up very well.  The album is not just a collection of songs on display; the album is a complete work of art, with individual messages that also become fragments of a larger mosaic.  And I think Revolver does this in a way that Sgt. Pepper doesn't.

The album is neatly bookended by "Taxman" and "Tomorrow Never Knows", two songs that form the abstract outline of the album's story: all is vanity and a chasing of the wind, because we're only working for someone else anyway, and the only true meaning in life is "the meaning of within," which is to say, "love is all."  The rest of the songs on the album only do their part to support and affirm this message.

Right out of the gate, The Beatles back up the delivery truck right to the listener's front door, and start unloading entire skids of Hard, Cold Reality.  "Taxman" and "Eleanor Rigby" form a musical one-two punch: death and taxes are the only guarantees.  Already, only two songs into the album, we are a long, long, long way from mop-tops and woo-yeahs.

After this rather shocking wake-up call, "I'm Only Sleeping" offers one solution to the hard edges of life: you can always ignore it, or find a way out through escapism.  Yawn, blink, shrug it off.  There are taxes to be paid and lonely people in the world, but "don't shake me" now, and "don't spoil my day," because "after all, I'm only sleeping."  It's a valid proposal.  Some people choose to throw themselves into life and treat it like a battle; it's kill or be killed.  For John, however, this approach holds no appeal: those are the "crazy" people who are always "running everywhere at such a speed, until they find there's no need."

Running parallel to this particular form of the escapist dream is another kind of escape.  In "Doctor Robert", the exit path is lined with drugs of whatever kind: pain-killers, acid, pot, or any other drug of choice.  The good doctor is ready to offer a drink from his "special cup" in order to provide a short-cut to the desired end: "feeling fine."  Riley draws attention to the use of the church organ and choir-boy sound in the bridge; it seems as though both medicine and religion get a bit of a nose-tweaking here, by being implicitly linked together in the music.

"Love You To" makes its own contribution to the discussion, which is both affirming and cautious.  The fact is unavoidable, "A lifetime is so short," and "a new one can't be bought," and so our time is most rewardingly invested in acts of love: "make love all day long, make love singing songs."  Still, there is the parting warning: "There's people standing round who'll screw you in the ground."  Once again, reality is acknowledged, but hope is not despaired of.

As if to capitalize on this central point, that above all else there is the pursuit of love, the next track on the album, "Here, There, and Everywhere", is nothing less than a solemn hymn in honor of love's delights.  After everything that has come before it, this song is a refreshing departure from the darker corners of reality.  Paul's soothing voice reminds the listener that love is just as good as you'd think it could be, and despite the nightmare of death and taxes, the truth remains that "love never dies."

This song is only one part of a trilogy of love songs found on this album.  "Good Day Sunshine" and "Got to Get You into My Life" round out the picture, celebrating the joy and bliss to be found in sharing the adventure of life with a partner.  In love, "I've got something I can laugh about," and permanence and stability become the antidote to the rest of life's fickle temporalities: "I want you to hear me say we'll be together every day."

This trilogy of love-in-song, however, is neatly balanced by a counter-trilogy that keeps the listener from drifting too far into naive, ignorant bliss.  Love is central, love is good, love is the answer, yes; but it is not to be taken lightly, or treated flippantly, and even love comes with its own set of challenges.  In the trilogy of "For No One", "I Want to Tell You", and "And Your Bird Can Sing", we come face-to-face with the potential pitfalls of the human relationship: being misunderstood ("you don't get me"), finding it hard to be heard ("you can't hear me"), being taken for granted ("she no longer needs you"), dealing with a head "filled with things to say" and struggling to "speak my mind and tell you."

Finally, there is "Yellow Submarine".  Paul has said on more than one occasion that this tune was intentionally written as a children's sing-along song, and as such, it serves a specific purpose within the album's storyline.  Life is a balance; there is joy and there is sorrow; there is loneliness and there is star-crossed love; there is yawning indifference or drug-induced flight, and there is responsible engagement.  In the midst of it all, "Yellow Submarine" introduces the concept of retaining a child-like innocence and wonder; a little bit of fantasy here and there isn't a bad thing.  It keeps things light and playful.  If everything is given its proper place, and balance is retained, then "every one of us has all we need."

As a concept album, I think Revolver unintentionally accomplishes what Pepper intentionally attempted, but failed to do.  Pepper doesn't hold together as tightly as Revolver.  With its flashy costumes and circus trips and newspaper taxis, Pepper tries to fly off into a fantasy world, but it never stays there; it keeps crashing back into the world of runaways and mind-numbing suburban life and news headlines.

I'm not saying Pepper is a bad album.  The songs are fantastic, as songs.  But as a collective whole, it just doesn't present a coherent story in the way that Revolver does.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An afterthought: this is, admittedly, a lot of analysis to choke down.  It might even be an exercise in reading too much between the lines.  So do yourself a favor and indulge in a little treat - God knows you deserve it.  Set aside an hour, preferably a relaxing hour of the night; get your copy of Revolver, in whatever format you enjoy (bonus points, however, if your format is vinyl); mix yourself a scotch and coke, or some other similar adult beverage; absolutely, smoke 'em if you got 'em; set the volume low enough that your ears don't bleed, but loud enough that you can still hear the clicks of the plastic guitar picks against the nickel-plated strings.

And listen to the music.

Really, really listen.

Cry, Baby ... Cry?

If "Cry, Baby, Cry" had first been written by John as a short story, I imagine it would have gone something like this ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wasn't the one who drove her batty, you know, although certainly we did oft-times make the attempt, what with all the sudden smashing of antique calendars and scratching up the bird-tents that never once asked for a hand or two.

It was, of course, or so the rumor goes, the crying child that finally did her in when the time had come.  Sighing, she said out loud, to no one in particular, "sigh, and again, sigh".  Sometimes it was one sighs too small, and no one in the round world could have blamed her any better than she did.  She was old enough, after all.

Marigold was a place of no small accountants, and the saying goes that one needs to break a few promises now and again to make a promise omelet.  That was just what the king had set out to do, in fact, puttering about the kitchen with the pots and pans, trying to finish what he could of the queen's breakfast and hoping to match the forks with the spoonerisms.

Ah, but where was the queen in all of this mess?  They say she was in the parlor, practicing parleys and pronouncing the popular parlance, which was only too becoming for a person of her station.  "Shall we have a wilting tune on the old ebony and ivory?"  Little much she understood about all that nonsense, for she was not a woman well-acquainted with tuning forks of whatever size, much less an entire fork-lift.  Somehow or other, no one understood the everybits of the nothingmuch she so often whispered.  It's common enough.

"Rancid day, so to speak", uttered the king with no small amount of flair.  Flamboyant he was, though this did nothing to increase the accuracy of his back-stroke.  "There's no time like the present when there's flowers to be picketed and pocketed, what-what!"  It's no mystery why they did him in eventually.  But for now, while king and friend had their fifteen seconds of flame in the garden variety way, the queen had long-since given up on the facade of musicality, and had gotten herself skin-deep into an artistic fit.  "It's for the children, so it is", and not even she believed that this was true, for she was a chronological liar of habit.  It had ever-so been, and would ever-much continue, if you please (or even if you don't).

When the duchess finally arrived from the distant land of Kircaldy, she had just got through with another portrait-taking (although she would always claim she'd only borrowed it), and had found that her smile was quite properly stuck exactly where it was (halfway between the stairs and the hallway).  This made it increasingly difficult to convey other emotions, and she had become annoyed at having to climb trees and hang upside-downy when she felt like a good frown.  Naturally, she arrived too late for tea, which put the duke in quite a bad tempest (having just climbed out from the kettle-pot himself), a situation for which he found no suitable remedy, except to enlist the help of the posh birds (who always got everything wrong) and the buzzing bees (for they were at all times flying high).  Try as they might, they were unable to get the message delivered, and so had to settle for a low-key massage instead.

The stage having thus been quite-well settled, the noon meeting could commence itself without further ado or don't, however you like it.  Darkness spread like darkness does, and the children entertained themselves (for they were back from holiday now) by interjecting words where they didn't quite belong (especially in the hamper).  It was all for a lark, but the king would have none of it, being a bit put-out as he was by the duchess, who had left just now and bequeathed him naught but a lukewarm pot of tea.  From that sad state, he contemplated nothing in general, and everything in particular, and wondered (more often than he would like to admit) if anywhere there was an anyone who would take him back from whence he'd been (less often than he claimed).

In the end, all was as well as it couldn't have otherwise been suggested, for these were different times than the ones before, and everyone agreed that such things should scarcely be mentioned, if there was ever to be a sequel.